I’m not going to be alone forever.
I say this as someone who currently is (and historically has been) single. I also say this as someone who jokes about being the token single person in my friend group. And still, it’s something I feel I’m finally coming to terms with.
In a world — or more specifically, a city like New York — where cynicism is an easy default, I became all too comfortable with the self-deprecating joke that I was destined to be alone forever. I think it’s easy to see that joking as such came from a place of insecurity, doubt, or fear (or a little bit of all three). Can you blame me? All I’ve known is pity-invites to be a third wheel on date night. But on my 2017 journey to live my best life (this is a joke, but also not one at all), I’ve been focusing on accepting my life’s trajectory. The grass being greener on the other side, but really I have so many other things going for me right now. I landed a dream internship. I’m one semester away from graduation. Read: I’m a little more than six months away from moving to New York (fingers crossed!!!). What’s the big deal if a real romance hasn’t quite entered into the picture for me yet? Key word being “yet.”
There are a hundred and one think pieces on why being single is a time to “find yourself” or “learn to love yourself first” and blah blah blah, but aren’t those articles just made for easing the nerves of singles with no prospective relationship in sight? I suppose there may be some truth in those; but there also seems to be an unsaid assumption that once you find “the one,” the self-growth ends. The thing about humans is that we are all changing. Like all. The. G-dang. Time.
If I read one more thing about having to learn to love yourself before you can ever love another, my eyes will bleed. Probably. What about when you’ve done nothing but be selfish — with your time, money, dreams, etc — and you’re ready to share all those things with another human? I’m not saying I’m there, but just about.
I’ve reached the age where my friends (past and present), former classmates, and even acquaintances on Facebook are getting *real* serious about relationships. Most aren’t even thirty, flirty, or thriving (!!), yet the institution of marriage is the logical next “life event” for them. I can’t relate for obvious reasons previously stated, but it makes me wonder what my life would look like if I had been put on a similar path or timeline?
What if I had met “the one” in college? Would I have chased after everything that I did — that I’m currently pursuing? Would I have gone to New York? Would I have sacrificed parts of my dreams for his, all for the fear of not dying alone?
I hope I wouldn’t.
Good thing those “what if’s” don’t matter. For now, I’m perfectly content being alone. Nicki said it best:
To confirm, yes I am single. Focusing on my work & looking forward to sharing it with you guys really soon. Have a blessed New Year. Love u🎀
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) January 5, 2017
Image via Tumblr. Collage made by me.